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时间：2019-01-11 03:21:51 来源：柠檬阅读网 本文已影响 人 
The Good News At the hospital，there was a man lying in the emergency room. The doctor opened the door and walked towards the man.
“Doctor，” the man said，“Will I be OK?”
The doctor turned to him and said，“Well，there is good and bad news.”
“Tell me the bad news，” said the man.
“Well，” said the doctor，“the bad news is that we will have to cut both your legs off.”
“Oh，my God.” said the man. “What the hell is the good news?”
“The good news?” said the doctor. “See that man over there? He wants to buy the shoes on your feet.”
好消息
在医院里，有一个人正躺在急诊室里。医生打开门，朝他走来。
“医生，”他问，“一切都正常吗?”
医生转过身来，说道：“哦，有好消息，也有坏消息。”
那人说：“告诉我坏消息是什么。”
“好吧。”医生说，“坏消息是我们将截去你的双腿。”
“噢，天哪!”那人说，“那好消息究竟是什么呢?”
“好消息?”医生说，“看见那个人了吗?他想买你脚上穿的这双鞋。”
I Could Do It Slower
Patient：What do you charge for pulling out a tooth?
Dentist：Fifty dollars.
Patient：Fifty dollars for a couple of minutes’ work?
Dentist：Well，I could do it slower，if you like.
我可以干得慢一些
病人：拔一颗牙要多少钱?
牙医：50美元。
病人：只几分钟的活儿就要50美元?
牙医：噢，如果你喜欢的话，我可以干得慢一些。
A Strange Patient
Doctor：Please open your mouth，madam.
Patient：Thank you very much，doctor.
Doctor：Why do you thank me?
Patient：Because my husband always asks me to shut up.
奇怪的病人
医生：请张开嘴，夫人。
夫人：谢谢你，医生。
医生：你为什么要谢我呢?
夫人：因为我丈夫总是让我闭嘴。
A Cure for a Headache
One day a man went into a chemist’s shop and said，“Have you anything to cure headache?”
The chemist took a bottle from a shelf，held it under the gentleman’s nose and took out the cork(软木塞). The smell was so strong that tears came into the man’s eyes and ran down his cheeks.
“What did you do that for?” he said angrily，as soon as he could get back his breath.
“But that medicine has cured your headache，hasn’t it?”
“You fool，” said the man. “It’s my wife that has a headache，not me”.
治头痛
一天，有个人走进药店问：“有治头痛的药吗?”
药剂师从药架上取下一个瓶子，放在这位先生的鼻子下面，揭开软木塞。从瓶子里散发出来的气味实在太冲了，呛得那人泪水涟涟，泪水顺着他的面颊流了下来。
“你这是干什么呀?”他一缓过来气来就怒气冲冲地说。
“不过，这种药已经治好了你的头痛，不是吗?”
“你这个蠢货!”那个人说，“是我的妻子头痛，不是我。”
Pictures for Children
A young artist went to ask a publisher why he had rejected his paintings. The publisher replied，“Because we discern(看出) a lack of maturity(成熟) in your paintings.”
“Then，they can be published as pictures for children，” the young man suggested.
儿童画
一位年轻画家去问一个出版商为什么他的画被退了回来。出版商答复说：“因为我们发现你的作品还不够成熟。”
“既然不够成熟，可以出版给儿童看嘛。”这位年轻的画家建议。
Fresh Milk
Customer：I wonder if this milk is fresh.
Waiter：Fresh? Three hours ago it was GRASS!
鲜奶
顾客：我想知道这牛奶是否新鲜。
服务员：新鲜?三个小时前它还是草呢。
Bring Me the Winner
Once，a fellow went into a restaurant and ordered a two-pound lobster(龙虾). “Waiter，” he said when his meal was placed before him，“this lobster has only one claw(螯).”
“I’m sorry，sir，” the waiter replied. “But sometimes the lobsters fight in the tank.”
“In that case，” the diner said，“bring me the winner.”
我要打赢的那只
一次，一位客人走进一家餐馆，点了一只两磅重的龙虾。“服务员，”他指着端上来的龙虾说，“这只龙虾为什么只有一只螯?”
“对不起，先生，”服务员回答说，“因为龙虾有时会在水槽里打架。”
“既然那样的话，”顾客说，“请把打赢的那只是给我上来吧。”
A New Employee
Several weeks after a young man had been hired，he was called into the personnel director’s office.
“What is the meaning of this?” the director asked. “When you applied for the job，you told us you had five years’ experience. Now we discover this is the first job you have ever held.”
“Well，” the young man said，“in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”
新员工
一个年轻人受雇几个星期之后，被叫进了人事经理的办公室。
“这是怎么回事?”经理问，“当你申请这份工作时，你说你有5年的工作经验，现在我们发现这其实是你的第一份工作。”
“噢，”年轻人回答道，“你们广告上说需要一个有想像力的人嘛。”
