[ＥＮＧＬＩＳＨ　ＪＯＫＥＳ] LEARNINGENGLISH

时间：2019-01-07 03:32:19　来源：柠檬阅读网本文已影响人

　　（A）　　A thief with a long record was brought before the judge. 　　Judge: Have you ever stolen things?
　　Thief: Oh, now and then（有时，偶尔）.
　　Judge: And where have you stolen these things?
　　Thief: Oh, here and there（零零落落）.
　　Judge: Right. Lock him up, officer.
　　Thief: Hey, when do I get out of jail（监狱）？
　　Judge: Oh, sooner or later（迟早）.
　　（B）
　　Father: Well, my son, did you get the best marks in your class this term?
　　Son: No, Daddy. Did you get the best salary in your office?
　　（C）
　　Son: How much pocket money can I have?
　　Father: Fifty pence a week.
　　Son: Fifty pence a week? That’s an insult（侮辱）.
　　Father: OK. I’ll pay you monthly, then you won’t be insulted so often.
　　（D）
　　Bill: I can’t make up my mind whether to be a poet or a painter.
　　Ben: Oh, I think you should be a poet.
　　Bill: You mean you’ve read one of my poems?
　　Ben: No, I’ve seen one of your paintings.
　　（E）
　　Dentist（牙医）：I’ll have to charge you 40 pounds for removing that tooth.
　　Patient: But you said it would only be 10 pounds.
　　Dentist: Yes, but you yelled so loudly that you scared off（吓跑）three other patients.
　　（F）
　　Son: What’s this bridge we’re crossing?
　　Father: It’s the Forth（发音同fourth） Bridge.
　　Son: Funny, I could swear（保证） it was only the third.
　　（G）
　　Husband: Why can’t you make bread like my mother?
　　Wife: I would, if you could make dough（生面团） like your father!
　　（H）
　　Freddy: I can lift an elephant with one hand.
　　Teddy: I bet（打赌）you can’t.
　　Freddy: Find me an elephant with one hand, and I’ll show you.
　　（I）
　　Passenger: What use is your timetable? The trains are never on time.
　　Railman: And how would you know they were late if it wasn’t for the timetable?
　　（J）
　　First music critic（评论家）：Did you notice how her voice filled the hall?
　　Second music critic: Yes, I also noticed that a lot of people left to make room for it.
　　（K）
　　Billy: What did I get for my English test?
　　Teacher: Well, I’ll give you the good news first. You spelt your name correctly.
　　（L）
　　Jim: Last night I had a double rest.
　　Jack: How do you mean?
　　Jim: I dreamed I was sleeping.
　　（M）
　　Mother: Eddie, you’ve been fighting!You bad boy, you’ve lost a front tooth.
　　Eddie: No, I haven’t. It’s in my pocket.
　　（N）
　　Teacher: Tim, you know you can’t sleep in class.
　　Tim: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
　　（O）
　　Mother: What is the idea of this zero on your report card?
　　Son: That’s no zero. Teacher ran out of stars so she gave me a moon as a present（礼物）.

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