盖茨皮带 [盖茨父子的最佳建议]

　　某次,一位蜂蜜来信问小编能否刊登几篇关于比尔・盖茨的文章。嘿嘿,小编这就为你奉上咯,还附赠盖茨爸爸!大家都想知道盖茨是如何成为世界首富的吧?也许正是因为他从小就被“命令”多尝试自己不擅长的事情,才让他知道什么是自己的看家本领――事实证明,不光要听妈妈的话,爸爸的话也要认真聆听哦!
　　
　　It’s certainly a unique father-son relationship. The man who created one of the largest fortunes in history,
　　now in his second career as a philanthropist[慈善家], has his dad working for him as co-chair of the world’s
　　largest charitable organization � the $27.5 billion Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Actually, this is a second act for both men. Bill Gates, 53, stepped down from day-to-day work at Microsoft last June, while his father,
　　Bill Gates Sr., 83, retired from the prominent[杰出的]
　　Seattle law firm Preston Gates & Ellis (now known as K&L Gates), in 1998. These days both men give counsel[建议] to each other, but for years, of course, Dad doled out[少量地发放] indispensable[不可或缺的] advice to his son.
　　Here is my interview with the pair.
　　Serwer: Bill, I’d like to ask you about the best advice that you’ve ever gotten from your dad.
　　Bill Gates: Well, my dad and my mom were great at encouraging me as a kid to do things that I wasn’t good at, to go out for a lot of different sports like swimming,
　　football, soccer, and I didn’t know why. At the time I thought it was kind of pointless, but it ended up really exposing me to leadership opportunities and showing
　　me that I wasn’t good at a lot of things, instead of sticking to things that I was comfortable with. It was fantastic, and now some of those activities I cherish. They had to stick to it because I pushed back a lot, but it was fantastic advice.
　　Serwer: Mr. Gates, do you remember specifically
　　dispensing advice, or was it something that was just a natural part of parenting?
　　Bill Gates Sr.: I think to some extent his mother and I were explicit[明确的] about this, but it was mostly just
　　instinctive. We did feel like he ought to go turn out, go and play on the neighborhood softball team and things of that kind. We thought it would be good for him and that he’d
　　enjoy it, and apparently it turned out to be good advice.
　　B.G.: Even though I wasn’t very good at it.
　　B.G. SR.: You were okay.
　　Serwer: You make it sound very easy, but all of us who are parents know that raising a family is not always that way. In your new book注1 you mentioned dinners on Sunday
　　nights and wearing the same kind of pajamas[睡衣]
　　on Christmas. Does that stuff really work, Mr. Gates?
　　B.G. SR.: Well, I guess on the basis of one family’s
　　experience, my answer is a loud yes.
　　Serwer: What do you think, Bill?
　　B.G.: I think family traditions that get you to come together
　　and talk about what you’re up to � going on trips together,
　　always sitting at dinner and sharing thoughts � really made a huge difference. We learned from our parents what they were trying to do, whether it was United Way注2 or a volunteering activity or the world of business. I felt very equipped, as I was dealing with adults, to talk to them in a
　　comfortable fashion because my parents had shared how they thought about things.
　　Serwer: Things weren’t always so smooth, though, between the two of you. Like any father and son, you’ve had some rocky
　　moments, right?
　　B.G.: That’s right. I don’t think I was easy to bring up. I had a lot of energy and stubbornness[固执] about things that I wanted to do. At one juncture[关头], when I was in my last year of high school, I got a job offer and it would take me away from school, and I was amazed that my dad, after meeting with the headmaster
　　and getting all the data, said, “Yeah, that’s
　　something you can go and do.” Most of the rockiness had been before that, when I was still confused about, “Was I trying to prove something vs. my parents?” There was
　　actually a professional who I went and visited, who my parents had me chat with. That person explained to me that there wasn’t really any benefit to fighting with my parents. It was all about the issues, the battles were going to be about the real world, and they were really on my side. And that was fantastic. It just changed my mindset[心态]. I was only 12 or 13 at the time. I think it made things a lot smoother from that point on.
　　Serwer: A lot of times 12- and 13-year-olds are told that their parents are not their enemies, and it goes in one ear and out the other. Yet you were able to actually take this advice and listen to it, and you began to become closer to your parents after that?
　　B.G.: That’s right. As I was starting Microsoft, I’d go over on Sundays and share with my parents what the challenges were and get some thoughts, just vent[发泄] about what was complicated. I remember when we were taking the company public, I was saying that I thought that would have some real drawbacks[不利条件], and we talked about how to mitigate[减轻] those.
　　So there was a lot of camaraderie[友情] that came from the fact that we’d gotten on an even keel[平稳的], and they were very encouraging even though it was a business that was mysterious in some ways. The scale of the opportunity was beyond what would have been predicted.
　　Serwer: You guys have this incredible working relationship and obviously a close familial[家庭的] one as well. What do you think the secret to that is?
　　B.G. SR.: One of the best pieces of advice I ever had is
　　related to what you just asked about, and that is the
　　business of getting along with and encouraging the right things with your youngsters. Bill’s mother and I, early on, were involved in parent effectiveness training注3,
　　an activity at the church we went to. And the thing that the people there taught us and emphasized[强调], which is so central and so significant, is that you should never demean[贬低] your child. When you think about the
　　centrality[中心] of that, in terms of the relationship with an offspring, you’re off to a really good start. I’m a great fan of my son’s. I think he’s an incredible citizen and a
　　wonderful businessman, and we let that show in the things we do together.
　　B.G.: I think it’s because we have well-defined roles.
　　I’m kind of a driving, “Why haven’t we gotten all these things done?” kind of person, and dad is the voice of wisdom. We’ll be having a meeting, talking about the calendar or the cost or those things, and he’ll make a comment that will get everybody to stop and think, you know, we missed that way of looking at things. And his being there at the foundation full-time really has shaped the values. When we have the foundation meeting, people get up and applaud because they see that that really makes a difference. And to create a family
　　foundation, when I was busy, and yet to know that the values were going to be right and strong, I give credit for that to my dad.
　　Serwer: And your son maybe didn’t always take your advice, Mr. Gates. I mean when he told you he was going to drop out of Harvard, what did you say to him?
　　B.G. SR.: Well, the first time he said he was going to take a period away and then go back, the emphasis was on, well, he will go back. Second time around, after he did go back, then he again felt like he had to go to Albuquerque, where the company was, and work there more. We were much more concerned the second time. The company was becoming very demanding, and Paul Allen注4 was out there in Albuquerque, and Bill needed to help him.
　　
　　这确实是一份独一无二的父子情谊。他创造了史上最大的财富之一,如今以慈善家的身份开始人生的第二事业,并聘用父亲担任这个世界最大慈善机构的联合主席,与自己并肩工作。这个慈善机构就是拥有资金多达275亿美元的比尔・盖茨夫妇基金会。事实上,这是父子两人的第二次合作了。去年6月,53岁的比尔・盖茨从微软的日常工作岗位退了下来;而他的父亲――83岁的老比尔・盖茨1998年从美国西雅图著名的普盖茨律师事务所(即现在的高盖茨律师事务所)退休。尽管现在,父子两人相互谏言,然而过去这么多年来,是父亲给了儿子许多不可或缺的金玉良言。
　　以下是我与这对父子的访问。
　　瑟尔维尔:比尔,我想知道你父亲给你的最佳建议是什么?
　　比尔・盖茨(以下简称“子”):小时候,父母经常鼓励我尝试自己不擅长的事情,让我参加许多运动,比如游泳、橄榄球和足球,当时我并不明白为什么。那时我觉得这样做毫无意义,后来它的确给我带来许多展现领导才能的机会,让我明白到很多事情并不是自己的强项,但这个建议不让我一直守在自己擅长的事情上,这段经历很棒,有些运动我至今仍然很喜欢。父母当时必须一直敦促我,因为我经常反抗,不过这个建议真的很棒。
　　瑟尔维尔:盖茨先生,还记得当时提建议是刻意为之,还是出于父母的本能?
　　老比尔・盖茨(以下简称“父”):我想在某种程度上,比尔的母亲和我在这一点上看法明确,但大部分时间都是靠着直觉施教。我们的确认为他应该出去活动活动,加入社区的垒球队之类的。我们觉得这样对他有好处,而且他也会喜欢,事实证明这个建议还不错。
　　子:尽管我当时打得不好。
　　父:你打得还行。
　　瑟尔维尔:您这话听起来简单,但所有身为父母的人都知道,经营一个家庭有时并非如此容易。在新书中,您提到周日共进晚餐和在圣诞节穿相同的睡衣。盖茨先生,这些办法真的凑效吗?
　　父:就我个人的家庭经历而言,我的答案是非常肯定的。
　　瑟尔维尔:比尔,你觉得呢?
　　子:我认为家庭聚会聊天这个传统的确帮助很大,比如一起出游,总是一起进餐和分享观点等等。我们从父母那儿了解到他们尝试去做的事情,无论是参与国际联合劝募协会、参与志愿活动还是有关生意的事情。后来我与成年人聊天时也非常自如,因为父母就是这样与我分享他们的观点。
　　瑟尔维尔:你们俩的关系并非一直都这么和谐吧。像其他父子一样,你们也有过摩擦,对吗?
　　子:没错。我觉得把我抚养成人并不容易。我精力极其充沛,对想做的事情十分坚持。有一次,我在高中最后一年得到了一个工作机会,可能要中断学业。当时让我惊讶的是,父亲跟校长见过面、了解完所有情况后说:“是的,你可以去做那份工作。”之前我们有过不少矛盾,那时我有点困惑:“我想通过与父母对抗来证明自己吗?”父母特意让我拜访一位专家,他告诉我与父母对抗并无好处。问题才是关键,现实世界才是斗争的对象,父母是真正站在我这边的人。这话说得对极了。它改变了我的心态。那时我才十二三岁。我想,从那时起我跟父母的关系就好起来了。
　　瑟尔维尔:大多数时候,人们都会对十二三岁的少年说父母不是他们的敌人,他们对这话也只是左耳进右耳出;而你却能听进去,真正接纳这个意见,而且此后和父母更加亲近?
　　子:是的。在我开始创立微软公司的时候,每逢周日我便会去探望父母,和他们分享自己面临的挑战,找点灵感,对遇到的复杂问题吐吐苦水。我记得在我们带领公司上市时,我认为上市会产生大问题,于是就和父亲一起谈论如何缓解这些问题。
　　因此,平等的关系为我们建立了深厚的友情。尽管电脑业在某种程度上有点神秘,他们依然给予我充分支持。我遇到了超乎想象的无限商机。
　　瑟尔维尔:你们在工作上如此合拍,家庭关系也十分亲密。您认为其中的秘诀是什么?
　　父:我获得过的最佳人生建议之一恰好与你方才的问题有关,也就是如何与孩子相处并正确地鼓励他们。比尔的母亲和我早年曾到我们去做礼拜的教堂接受父母效能训练。在那里,人们教导我们并强调的至关重要的一点就是――不要贬低孩子。一旦你意识到这点的重要性,你与孩子的关系便有了良好的开端。我是儿子的忠实粉丝。我认为他是一个了不起的公民和商人,一起共事时,我们就会用行动来表示对他们的赞赏。
　　子:我想这是因为我们有明确的角色分工。我很有干劲,是爱问“为什么我们还没做完?”的那种人,父亲则是智慧之音。比如我们开会讨论日程或开支等问题时,他的发言会让所有人停下来思考。你知道,我们缺乏这种看事情的角度。他全天候上岗,为基金会塑造了良好的价值观。基金会开会时,人们会起立鼓掌,因为他的确给公司带来了改变。在创立家族基金会时,我工作很忙,但我知道其价值观是正确而强大的,这一切必须归功于我父亲。
　　瑟尔维尔:您的儿子并非事事采纳您的建议吧,盖茨先生。我是说,当他告诉您他准备从哈佛辍学时,您是怎么对他说的?
　　父:他第一次说要离开一阵子再回校时,强调的重点是他会返校。第二次,他确实回学校之后,他又感到必须前往阿尔布开克市(公司所在地),并且花更多的时间在那儿工作。第二次的时候,我们对此事更为关注了。公司业务越来越繁忙,保罗・艾伦独自一人在阿尔布开克,比尔必须去帮他。
　　
　　注1:指的是老比尔・盖茨于今年4月份上市的《生活真谛》(Showing up for Life: Thoughts on the Gifts of a Lifetime)。
　　注2:全称为国际联合劝募协会(United Way International)。联合劝募是一个自给自足、以社区为基础的系统,其组织遍及全世界,并且能动员来自社会各领域的地方领袖共同合作,以确认社会的需求并协助解决健康与人类福祉的问题,目的是满足人类最迫切的需求并且改善生活品质。在某些国家,联合劝募以不同的名称出现――公益金 (Community Chest)、红羽毛 (Red Feather)、联合基金 (Fondo Unido、United Fund) 或是翻译成各国的母语。然而,他们大多数仍保留了联合劝募的“助人之手” (helping hand) 的识别标志。
　　注3:父母效能训练(P.E.T.)由美国著名心理学家托马斯・戈登于上世纪60年代创立,是美国第一个全国性的父母训练教程,向父母传授与孩子有效沟通的技巧,并循序渐进地提出建议,以解决家庭冲突,为孩子创造一个良好的成长
　　环境。
　　注4:保罗・艾伦,美国企业家,与比尔・盖茨共同创立了微软公司的前身。他被认为是世界上最富有的人之一,同时也是美国有线电视运营商Charter Communications的主席及梦工厂股东,还被邀加入美国电影艺术与科学学会(AMPAS)。